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scottie
System Administrator
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3743 Posts
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 Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 08:06:40
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You will not believe this! I had a freaking burglar break into my house with me in it!
It's Tuesday - my day off. I'm sitting in my office working on the
computer. My window faces the street and this rough-shaven dude on a
crappy mountain bike parks in front of my house. I'm thinking...that
mountain bike has a kick stand? Must be a crappy mountain bike! So I'm
thinking maybe he wants to mow my lawn, or solicit me for tree
cutting, which is par for my neighborhood. Then he knocks on the door
for like five friggin minutes. Who hangs around that long. Then I hear
him going through my mail box. No way! Another minute and he walks
around the side of my house and I hear the leaves crunching outside my
office window (which is open with a screen so my cat can sit there
while I work). I have my back to the window and I am in my high back
executive chair. I'm thinking "hmm should I scare him off" or should I
be quiet. Well took too long to think about it because THUD he's
already through my window and has landed belly first on the floor!!! 
Now there's a burglar in my office WITH ME! F#CK!!!!!!
And I am in my friggin underwear. 
I am still slumped in my executive chair, remaining silent. Behind my
chair there is just my 1967 Gretch 4-pc drum set between us.
And it ain't no monolithic Phil Collins giant kit with 15 tom-toms and 20
cymbals either! It is just a LITTLE ITTY BITTY jazz kit!
Me and this burgular are practically breathing the same air now and he
doesn't even know I am in the room. I can tell he's landed hard on the
floor by the sound. He's probably on his belly if he crawled over the
window sill.
F#CK F#CK F#CK!
Well, I figure...this is my last chance. Gotta do something now. Can't
just hide. He'll find me and then I will be at the disadvantage. If he
finds me, I'll be sitting and he'll be standing and he will have the
upper hand. I figure my best bet is to scare the shit out of him and
act as bold as possible.
And god damn it! I am in my underwear!
So I stand up suddenly and shout "WHAT THE F#CK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"
He's dumbfounded and scared that I'm there. Plus I am in my underwear,
which has to look pretty intimidating. (Just kidding!) "WHAT THE F#CK
ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?" (Apparently adrenaline makes me curse a
lot.)
He says, "Scott it's me, Mike!"
Wha? What the...? "Where do I know you from?" I ask.
"You bought a BMW from me."
Oh great. That narrows it down to about 12% of the population of the
US, I think.
He stammers some more. "It was a couple years ago...You said you liked my other BMW. I just wanted
to see if you wanted to buy it. I really need the cash."
Now I realize I did once buy a car from him a year or so ago. He seemed cool at the
time. Even followed it up by chatting about where to take your old BMW
to get smogged, what cleaner degreaser works best, yada yada yada. He
may have even bought a set of wheels from me for his ride....."But
dude," I say "WHAT THE F#CK ARE YOU DOING COMING THROUGH MY
WINDOW?!?!?!"
Now I am beginning to put 2 and 2 together. This guy knows where I
live, needs cash, and he has no qualms about popping through my screen
window to see if I have any laying around that he can borrow. He's
scruffy and riding a crappy mountain bike with a kick stand. Not to
mention he's stammering for words, acting irrationally.
I may have known this guy at one point...but now.....I realize he's a
drug addict in need of cash.
I run out of the room and into my bedroom and grab my 12 guage pump
action shotgun and in back into the office.
He's still on the floor trying to think of an answer for the last
question. "Scott, I was going to leave you a note."
In my mind I am running so many scenarios. I have had lots of guns in
my life but I have never EVER pulled a gun on another person. It feels
strangley rational and I am asking myself questions.
Should I release the safety?
My thumb releases the safety.
His eyes follow the sound of the click. "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! You
know me. I just wanted to see if you'd buy my car. That's all. I
swear."
I am now considering what am I going to do with this guy. What options
do I have? He's way bigger than me. I step back so he can't grab the
gun. If I shoot him, it is going to make a terrible mess. And he is
right next to my left speaker. It's a rare Dalquist DQ10 from the late
'60's I think. Dalquist was best friends with John Carver (of Carver
amplifier fame), and it is rumored that he and Carver collaborated
together pairing their speakers and amplifiers. Dalquist was nearly
killed in a car accident and never made speakers again. If I have to
clean blood splatter off the drivers, that will clearly ruin the
sound.
Clearly I need to get this wacko out of my house before he makes any
crazy plans.
"Get the **** out of my house," I say. I motion towards the front door
with the barrel.
"Really Scott. I was just seeing if you wanted to buy my car."
"Get the f#ck out... And do not come back."
Once he's gone, I consider a shot of tequila but I need some level headed advice, so I call Bill in Oakland. His advice: Call the police. So I
do and file a report. The officer arrives in only a few minutes, takes
my story and dusts for prints.
He likes the character of my house (because it is old and
well-preserved) and wishes he lived in the neighborhood.
My only thoughts: CRAP! Karin is going to kill me. She is ALWAYS telling me not to bring craigslist people to the house.
And she was right.
Dog gone it. She's always right!  
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Scottie Sharpe
San Jose CA
Discussion Board SYSOP
88 Dinan M5
1968 2002
1987 BMW K100RT
1982 Yamaha Seca 650
1995 Mitsubishi Montero SR
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crack head in my house
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